Photo's on my Phone 5th of September to 10th of December

 This is a deeply depressing blog post, but it does have a happy ending, I felt I couldn't write about my misery until there was positive news. It's been a long time since my last post as for the past 3 months we have lived in limbo. Every day the same, a constant sense of despair, pointlessness, feeling that we had no future, nothing to do, but stalk the rental sites desperately trying to find a needle in a haystack.

We took the dogs to the beach a lot, the wind and the rain and emptiness fitted our mood.

We searched for a house in Lynton or Lynmouth or even one of the out laying villages, but there was nothing. All the rental houses had been sold for second homes and Airbnb after the pandemic, we've been here for 12 years, moved several times and never had a problem finding somewhere local.

So resigned our selves to the fact we would have to leave our home and community and look further afield.

 

We won second prize for the best allotment for an allotment we have to give up.

We walked on the beach some more, all the time grieving the fact that these things would not be ours anymore.

However leaving was made slightly easier as Daisy had already gone, she and Sam found a beautiful house down a quiet lane in Hele, just outside Ilfracombe.

The flat upstairs was so quiet it felt like part of me was missing.

I drew my "Now house", its A3 drawn in fine line pens, so you can see all the pen strokes, normally I would tidy them up, but to leave it messy fitted my mood.

Sandra and I walked our dogs everyday and as all good friends she listened to my misery.

I finally decided to go to the Drs and was prescribed antidepressants, they made a huge difference, it meant that I didn't burst into tears every time someone asked if we'd found somewhere. They didn't solve the problems, but gave me the impetus to do something proactive. 

So rather than stalking the rental sites finding nothing we wanted, we finally started applying to look at houses.

There weren't many that were suitable, most wouldn't take pets or didn't have a garden or were a top floor flat or most of insulting of all were the short lets of holiday rentals, owners looking to make a bit of money over the winter. We carried on packing and stalking the sites. I soon discovered that agents only show the houses to a few people, so you need to be on the phone as soon as something suitable comes up.

I drew my "Never home", because that's how likely I felt we would find something. In the whole 3 months we only found 3 houses that we would want to live in, we applied for all 3 and were turned down for 2 of them.

BUT we were offered the 3rd one, I still can't believe it's going to be ours, it's a 3 bedroom house with a garden, garage and balcony over looking the sea. 

Even though its perfect it has 2 faults, the first is it isn't in Lynton and the second is it doesn't have a woodturner/open fire.

Its in Combe Martin which is 10 mins drive from Daisy, not too far from Lynton so we can still spend time with our friends.

I can see my house from the beach.

And the beach from my balcony. It means we can walk the dogs on the beach everyday and swim and sun bathe in the summer.

We move in 9 days I still can't believe it's going to be ours, I'm still not sleeping, still feeling anxious, but the emptiness has been replaced with plans for the garden and trying to work out where all the books are going.

The moment I stand on the balcony and look at the sea will be the moment I can relax.